New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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