i used baking grease as lip gloss
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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