Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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