I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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