he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
