you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
