I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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