Welp...herpes.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How's work?
Spinning.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
