So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
