No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
