I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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