i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
