So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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