He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
