your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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