Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
