I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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