we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
