I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
