Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
