The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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