I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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