I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
