I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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