So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
why do cheetos always look like penises
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
