so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
