What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
