Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We have so much sex to catch up on
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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