It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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