Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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