Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize