So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
