Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
