hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
