Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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