she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
