Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize