Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
