just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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