He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Let's paint friendship bongs
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
