nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
