opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
