I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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