Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
