Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She announced her abortion via fbk
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
