i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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