We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
