So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
