I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
