Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
