I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
