i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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