He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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