Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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