just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
