this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
