Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
