I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
