That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
