I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
