When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Holy shit dude........stairs
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
