Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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