What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
