Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
