Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
