If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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