Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
