I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
