I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
