Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
