Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
