My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize