I am full of burrito and curiosity
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
