If i come over, it means nothing
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
