Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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