people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
