his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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