I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
