i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Be still, my beating vagina.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
