my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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