I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
