oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
