I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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