Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
