She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
