She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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