Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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