My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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