I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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