Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
