Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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