Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize