6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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