she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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