Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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