But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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