i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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