Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
