D3 body, D1 cock
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
